How bad is it?

It's so bad, some fans (one of whom may or may not be Will Forte) went to the trouble of preparing a sizeable banner that is basically counting on the Skins soiling the bed, so that they can show that they still love a team this awful. Note that the banner was deployed (and broadcast by a cruel ESPN team) at least as early as the second quarter.

You don't make this banner if you think the Skins have a chance to win, or even a chance to lose in a non-horrendous way. Is Redskins' fandom now reduced to the level of maternal affection for a dysfunctional bed-soiling kid? I don't remember signing up for this.

Also, how did they get that banner in?

Any more rooms in this house of horrors?

So Cooley's out, Mr. Fair Catch muffed a punt, JC's fumblitis flared up again, Rabach couldn't tell that his QB was in the shotgun, Fred Davis (with another "Davis Leap!") was so bad in pass protection that his catches paled in comparison, and Horton and Landry let DeSean get behind them.

Quite a list, and this is in addition to the injuries to Samuels and Thomas, the disappearance of Malcolm Kelly, D Hall's blown tackles, Portis' mediocrity, the Collins safety, and the existence of Stephon Heyer.

What more could go wrong? Is there any unexplored malady that has not yet befallen this team? Let's take a moment to try to imagine what hasn't yet happened so that watching it transpire won't be as painful.

Potential Lower Points in the Redskins' 2009 Season

• The entire stadium gets swine flu, as do 45% of television viewers
• London Fletcher' arms begin to sweat lubricants, thus making tackling impossible
• Misprinted jerseys - #30 "Laundry"
• A crazed Mike Sellers storms the Wizards court and re-injures Arenas
• Haynesworth is placed on the IR when he suffers a serious neck puncture after forgetting to take out his huge diamond earring before putting his helmet on
• Brian Orakpo accidentally eats Hunter Smith
• Zorn goes on a Christian Bale-esque swearing tirade in the post game conference (actually, come to think of it, this might be a high point)
• Suisham misses a field goal
• Zorn throws a challenge flag into Portis' eye
• Sherm Smith punches through the playcalling glass
• The dead rise from the field, as the stadium sits over an Indian burial ground, and they're mighty pissed about the combination of the franchise name and the miserable play
• A sacked Jason Campbell's lips can be clearly read to say: "I'm not getting up, cause I'm just going to get knocked right back down here" before he is physically carried off the field against his will
• Daniel Snyder remains the owner and Vinny Cerrato remains the GM
  

I think I'll be able to handle any of these events a bit better now that I've prepared myself.

Chris Samuels: An Appreciation

At the moment, there are a thousand stories, and infinite angles regarding the current plight of this once-proud franchise, and I'm not up to the task of weighing in all of them. [I do commend you to the Redskins Revolution posts over at Hogs Haven - they're generating something positive out of all the misery, and have helped me greatly in this autumn of our discontent.]

But I do want to address one thing today - I want to honor Chris Samuels for his singularly brilliant career with the Skins. I know he's not on IR or retired yet, but as I understand his condition (stenosis), doctors are likely to recommend that he never play again. I hope they do, and that he follows their recommendation, even though rejecting it might give the 2009 O-line a shot at being more productive this year. But the risk of paralysis is too great, and the potential reward of maybe a couple more wins isn't worth it - in any year, much less this one. So Chris, if we have indeed seen the last of you on the gridiron, just know that you won't be forgotten by the fans.

Let's review this great player's career:

• Drafted 3rd in 2000, Samuels is one of the few bets that has payed off handsomely for Washington (note: the Skins drafted LaVar Arrington with the 2nd pick that year)
• Spent his entire career with the team, through six coaching chances
• Elected to six Pro Bowls
• Chiefly responsible for blocking the side of the field that Clinton Portis made his personal stable boy for several seasons
• Classy: After he chop blocked the Bears' Antonio Garay, injuring him, Samuels apologized to both Garay and Lovie Smith
• Perhaps most notable of all, I can't remember screaming "C'mon Samuels!" in disgust after some ridiculous penalty or blown play. I have screamed nearly every other o-lineman's name in this spirit numerous times (See, e.g. Heyer, Stephon).

So if this is it for Chris Samuels in the burgundy and gold, I just want to say thanks and that I look forward to the day when No. 60 gets his name enshrined up the Ring of Fame.

Actuarial Hope

Daniel Snyder was born on November 23, 1965.

A white male born in that year has a life expectancy of 68 years. Figuring that Snyder's ability to pay for top quality health care is offset by a lifetime of steaks and denial, he'll be under by about Thanksgiving of 2033.

Hail 2034 Skins!

No More Fix-a-flat

We need new tires.

I understand everything said about zorn and campbell and will not be sad if snyder releases them but we all have to admit that that is just a song and dance. a song that we all know and a dance that is all too firmiliar.
this is not rocket science, its football. do the research. no team has ever won a super bowl with either a bad defense, or a bad offensive line. we have the defense covered...
i will not back down form our core problem, the o line, and i know its becoming cliche. even the td pass to portis was jc running for his life after EVERYONE on the oline got beat except rabauch who was trying to block 2.
jc had no time, no developing plays were called, portis is a blocker, cooley is a blocker, davis becomes a reciever, portis get tackled for a safety, portis avg 3 yd/carry, and sellars taking on free rushers well behind the line, are all a product of a totally worthless oline.

if we dont sign 2 olinemen this week, snyderatto is taking a dive on this season.

Soooooo bad.

31 flavors of suck - that's what the Redskins have been serving up this year. If it weren't so soul-crushing, the variety of ways the Skins are able to lose and underperform is an exciting display of diversified ineptitude. Against Carolina, who seemed determined to gift wrap this one for Washington, the team reached deep into its bag of fail and brought up some truly unique awfulness.

Let's review some of the new tricks on display for this one:

• DeAngelo Hall, 25 years old and employed in a position that involves speed, agility, reaction time and tackling, getting juked by a 34 year old, immobile quarterback. When the game was on the line.
• Devin Thomas getting a chance to redeem the last two years of fail on the Skins' only deep ball of the game, but instead opting for a spot-on impression of Carlos Rogers' slippy hands.
• Mike Sellers running laterally in the end zone for a safety. (OK this wasn't a new trick, but he hadn't tried it in his own endzone before).
• Byron Westbrook's obvious crush on Randle El was revealed to the world. How embarrassing.
• Special teams helped lose a game - I think they thought the offense looked lonely.
• Chris Samuels was revealed as the Atlas of this team, holding it on his shoulders - when he went out, three players (Batiste, Cooley and Portis) were summoned to try to stand in for the rock of the line.
• The Orakpo in coverage experiment is less successful than Jordan in MLB. Why retard a brilliant defensive end career with this crap?
• The we-don't-need-second-half-timeouts strategy was unveiled in all its glory.
  

You can't say they aren't innovators.

Need a Laugh About the Skins' Plight?

This video should help a bit.

We Beat the Lions at Something!

Harris Interactive Poll, October 7, 2009

SUPER BOWL WINNER
"Regardless of your favorite team, who do you think will win the Super Bowl this year?"

Base: Adults who follow professional football

Total
%
Pittsburgh Steelers
19
New England Patriots
17
Indianapolis Colts
7
Dallas Cowboys
6
Chicago Bears
5
New York Giants
5
Philadelphia Eagles
5
Green Bay Packers
4
Minnesota Vikings
4
Tennessee Titans
4
Baltimore Ravens
3
San Diego Chargers
3
Atlanta Falcons
2
Seattle Seahawks
2
New Orleans Saints
2
Carolina Panthers
1
Denver Broncos
1
New York Jets
1
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
1
Oakland Raiders
1
Miami Dolphins
1
Arizona Cardinals
1
Cleveland Browns
1
Cincinnati Bengals
1
Kansas City Chiefs
*
St. Louis Rams
*
Jacksonville Jaguars
*
San Francisco 49ers
*
Buffalo Bills
*
Houston Texans
*
Washington Redskins
*
Detroit Lions
*


* indicates response of less than 0.5 percent

Could be worse, right?

There are two big things that NFL teams cannot control that help form their destiny: 1) Injuries, and 2) Schedule.

For instance, did you know that the 2009 New England Patriots are the first NFL team to face undefeated opponents in 5 consecutive games? Impressive.

After losing to the Giants in the opener here is the Redskins schedule

Rams (0-4)
Lions (0-3)
Bucs (0-4)
Panthers (0-3)
Chiefs (0-4)

So, barring a Win by the Chiefs vs. Dallas this weekend, the Redskins will have played FIVE consecutive teams with ZERO Wins.

Week 4 Gold Stars

1. Jason Campbell - JC had about the worst first half in his career, but then shook it off and led the team to a come from behind victory. High point: The revival of the deep ball and the quick strike on the Moss TD. Low point: Hard to choose, but I've got to go with striking the official in the head, and nearly getting picked. Assist goes to Zorn for sticking with him and letting this team feel like they can do something right with their offense, instead of panicking and trying to reinvent the wheel mid-game.
2. Justin Tryon - The goat of 2008 (and Donnie Avery starmaker) redeems himself with solid tackling and an impressive sack! I vow to stop swearing when I see him on the field.
3. London Fletcher - Ho hum. Another week, another ridiculous performance by the MLB. Defensive MVP by a mile thus far.
   
4. Jim Zorn/Mike Sellers/Clinton Portis/Stephon Heyer/Chad Rinehart - Okay, I know that Heyer and Rinehart got us in a hole early, but they played decently in the second half. The reason this group gets a gold star is for the first and ten call after two consecutive 3-and-outs. Run off right tackle! Five yards. Two plays later - run right! Negative one yard, but still, it was to the right! All in all, Zorn called 11 running plays to the right, gaining 47 yards, a 4.3 average. That is good playcalling my friends, because it established an entire side of the field that we could run to, after defenses had been eating up our Only Run Left Offense (which surprisingly hasn't caught on in the NFL like the West Coast Offense has). Way to go guys!
5. Santana Moss - That double move on Tampa's star corner was nasty.

To the right!

Hello, McFly Awards

• Malcolm Kelly - As Micah said, if you hadn't committed a boneheaded holding penalty, I wouldn't have know you were active for this game.
• Sleepy Davis and Devin Thomas - Different week, same disappointment.
• Carlos Rogers - I don't think I've ever been more upset with a dropped interception in my life. And he got burned on the TD.
  
• Shaun Suisham - A 17 yard punt? And your entire job duties involve kicking? It's like a painter who can only use left to right brushstrokes, and needs a specialist for right to left.
  

Making Sense

"...if a call is made defensively, let's go out and execute that call. You look at the film, we're not executing our calls. It's as simple as that.

So I don't know about identity. If the call is made and you ain't executing, the identity is you ain't executing the call. Let's just get back to doing that."

-London Fletcher, the NFL's leading tackler